Five Tips for Sounding Polite in English

By Jennie Parker

This blog post first appeared in English Unraveled on the Service Speak, LLC site on August 16, 2017.

Have you been told by your boss or co-workers that you are too direct? Or maybe you simply aren't getting the reaction you expect from others when you speak. Below I've outlined five tips for softening your tone and sounding more polite in English.

1.  Hedging

When we hedge, we soften our tone by introducing a bit of uncertainty. Hedging involves using various qualifiers to make our utterances less certain, which, therefore, softens the impact of what we say. For example,

Your order will be late.
Your order will be a bit late.

We found problems with the new system.
We found a few problems with the new system.

I’ve been unhappy with your performance.
I’ve been somewhat unhappy with your performance.

There was a mix up with your order.
It appears there was a mix up with your order.

Other qualifiers used to soften our tone include a little, some, slightly, slight, one or two, small

2.  Passive Voice

Using the passive voice, when possible, allows us to avoid placing blame.  For example,

David overcooked the meat.
The meat was overcooked.

Maria missed the deadline.
The deadline was missed.

Paula did not update the charts.
The charts were not updated.

3.  Past Continuous

Using the past tense to talk about the present creates distance and sounds less direct. The past continuous is often used in this way.

I hope you will finish this today.
I was hoping you would finish this today.

I think we should take a break.
I was thinking we should take a break.

I wonder if I can come in an hour late tomorrow.
I was wondering if I could come in an hour late tomorrow.

4.  Modals
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We can also use the past form of several modal verbs to sound more polite and less direct. Past forms include would, could, and might. For example,

Please follow me.
Would you please follow me?

Can you please help me?
Could you please help me?

You should consider your options.
You might like to consider your options.

5.  Titles

We also use titles appropriately to show respect. In most of the United States, the following titles and pronunciations are appropriate:

Sir: an unknown man, /sɜr/
Could I have your name, Sir?

Ma’am: an unknown woman, /mæm/
Could I bring you a drink, Ma’am?

Mr.: a man, /mɪstər/
I’ll show you to your room, Mr. Smith.

Mrs.: a married woman, /mɪsəz/
Your order will be delivered Thursday, Mrs. Brown.

Miss: an unmarried woman or girl; also sometimes used to address female shop assistants and wait staff, /mɪs/
Miss Everdene is here today.
Excuse me, Miss?

Ms.: a woman regardless of marital status; preferred in professional situations, /mɪz/
Thank you for your resume, Ms. Gonzalez.

Various professional and academic titles are also used in the United States, such as Professor and Doctor (Dr.).

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